This post is a combination of advice and story time. So grab a chair and let’s have a sexy chat shall we? I promise I won’t bite. Actually, with the subject of this post, I actually can’t make that promise.
I’ve written before that we are sexual creatures. To deny the fact that we have sexual urges is like denying the fact that we get hungry or thirsty or need to pee. Some of you are probably thinking: “Yeah? Well, tell that to my wife! She can go months without sex!” I’ve seen the posts on my Tumblr and in private messages. It’s a common complaint among guys. The truth is, your wife or significant other may actually be able to go months without sex, but unless you are truly asexual on the Sexuality Spectrum, you’ve got urges.
I was taught growing up in a conservative Mormon household that sex was “dirty” and that my feelings were “dirty thoughts” or “impure desires”. That language is pretty problematic and I felt that growing up. I felt a need to suppress those thoughts and emotions even though I was quite horrible at doing so and I frequently masturbated as a teenage girl and even on my mission. The fact that I was horrible at it made me carry around guilt.
Many women can’t break free from that. Guys are able to much more freely. So it’s not necessarily that your wife doesn’t have feelings, she’s probably suppressing. Also, here’s a thought. There’s something called the Kinsey Scale which basically states that people’s sexual orientation falls on a spectrum. Even though I am married to a man, I am not exclusively heterosexual. I’m between a 1 and a 2 on the Kinsey Scale. And you’ll often see that reflected in my writing and fantasies. I’ve learned to be okay with that orientation, but maybe your wife has same-gender attraction issues she hasn’t worked through. It’s actually fairly common to have most women be at least a 1. It’s harder for women to come out with sexual identity issues than it is for men usually. So there’s that to consider.
So what can you do?
1. Don’t be a douche. A big problem with men is that they feel entitled to sex. Running this blog and my NSFW Tumblr, I have come across the worst of men. It’s made me consider shutting things down more than once. Unsolicited dick pics, rude demands, and creepy stalking behavior are all commonplace. They feel that because I run sexually oriented content online that they are entitled to something. The comments are quite harassing. Unfortunately, many men treat their wives the same way. Your wife owes you nothing.
2. Invest in the relationship. Sex is part of a relationship and if you’re not getting what you want then you need to improve the relationship. If “everything is good elsewhere except for sex” then it’s not. Talk to your spouse. Women are different creatures than men. We need to be loved and wooed and swept off our feet to feel safe enough to have sex. Men can pop it out any time with anybody and go for it. It’s kinda cool. I wish I could do that sometimes myself, but I can’t. If my husband has barely spoken to me and then reaches over for some sex, it’s gonna be a pass for me. So put in the investment of time. If he touches me and kisses me throughout the day and sends me texts then I’m going to have the most massive wide-on in the world for him when he gets home. But even then, I may be too exhausted at the end of the day.
3. Stop having a sexually dishonest life. This one is hard. Especially for most of my followers. But pornography sets up false expectations. Porn isn’t real life. Porn/erotica is a tool. My husband and I started a sexual awakening several years ago. And it started by just talking about things we liked. It was embarrassing at first. There were some taboos that needed to be broken.
My husband and I love doggy style. I love getting pounded by him. I could write a whole post just on that. (Noted for future reference). He loves it because he can see my breasts sway with our motion. He loves watching my ass bounce with every movement. I always felt exposed. My butthole right in his face and everything. He admitted that he loved looking at it and that he actually wanted to touch it but was too afraid to do so. It seemed like such a silly thing to be afraid of. I’m glad he told me because the next time we did it he gently pressed his thumb against my tight little hole. It was like pressing a turbo pleasure button. I nearly instantly had an orgasm. My hole tightened against his thumb and pulsed in-time with my pleasure. So the next time I told him to slide a finger in. Neither one of us had had any interest in anal play before but with some gentleness and a good amount of lube he slid that finger right inside me and we both discovered a pleasure that we had been missing out on. He now fingers me from both sides during foreplay and it’s amazing. We call it “The Adele” because he has one finger in my vagina and one up my bum and he presses them together. It’s a “Hello From the Other Side.” Hence, Adele. You shouldn’t ever explain a joke. I just did.
If he had just been content to jerk off to that on porn and never shared it with me we both would have missed out. It was part of being sexually honest with each other. If you see any sexually satisfied couple in the world it’s because they talk to each other about it and then explore together. Every sexually frustrated couple don’t communicate. So communicate.
4. Be patient. I told my husband that I’d always wanted for him to come in my mouth. I knew he was shy about that. He let me one evening. I’m not one to brag but I give tremendous head, okay? MmmHmmm. 🙂 So I was doing my best. I worked his shaft with my mouth and focusing on the tip when I felt him stiffen and jerk and before I knew it my mouth was filled with hot, salty, thick goop. It wasn’t nearly as pleasurable as I thought it would be I pulled back and spat it all out over his pulsing penis. He thought that was hot. I was slightly traumatized. But instead of giving up I tried again and now I can swallow with confidence. Sometimes. Your wife won’t turn into a libertine overnight. It takes months and years of patience and practice. You took years of practice too, you just started before her. Bring her along for the ride.
5. Be realistic. I want to be a nudist. There. I said it. I hate clothes. I want to go to nudist resorts and cruises. My husband does not. That’s not something that will ever happen for us. And that’s okay. He’ll never get me to watch the Exorcist either or love sushi. That’s marriage. Realize there are just some things that aren’t going to work. But we compromise. My husband loves the idea of me being naked in public, just not him. Okay, we can work with that. You want to receive oral, but do you want to give it? Your wife doesn’t want you to watch porn, but what if you made it together? Your wife isn’t going to an orgy but are there smaller exhibitionist things that might work? Communicate!
Anyway. I hope you’ve learned something and now all of you are thinking about me swallowing aren’t you? Or taking a finger up the bum? Naughty! 😉 Go do it for yourselves! Read this post to your wife. Or some of my other stories.